Sunday and I am homesick. I am so homesick.
We decorated our little apartment today. We put up a tiny tree and strung lights and poinsettias on our balcony. Stan said we needed to hear Christmas music as we worked. As soon as the music filled the room, my tears started flowing. I didn’t know how much I was missing home and family until Bing Crosby sang “I’ll be home for Christmas. You can count on me.” A painful lump formed in my throat. Those melancholy words made me think of our daughters and how we loved the evening we’d all decorate the tree together. Stan was always in charge of flocking the tree and putting on the lights. The girls and I stayed out of his way. Once the lights were done, we all got to finish the tree. Somewhere along the line we acquired a record album of Christmas music we’d never heard before. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Shepherd’s Children’s Chorus became our favorite. Not a tree was ever decorated, no gifts were ever wrapped and certainly no gifts were ever unwrapped without us having this music in the background.
Even now, I can hear those wonderful songs in my head — songs like “Santa Claus, dear Santa Claus (bring me a baby brother),” “Elfie the Elf” and “I’ll Borrow a Stocking from Mrs. Elephant” (and have a really big Christmas this year). “Shake Me I Rattle” always chokes me up.
Decorating our tiny apartment today made me think of Christmases not so long ago. I thought of my mama and cooking with her in her warm kitchen on Algonkin Drive. I thought of my brothers and my sister. Back in our younger days, when we all had our own young families, we gathered at mom’s (grandma’s house). She had a houseful. It was pure pandemonium. Some families we know celebrate Christmas in a more formal manner. Wearing Sunday-best clothes everyone is seated at a long table covered in white linen cloths. Grandpa sits at its head preparing to say the blessing and do the carving. Greenery and lighted candles form a line decorating the center of the table and expertly garnished dishes of turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, green beans and cranberry sauce sit on either side ready to be served. Treasured heirloom china, silver and crystal sparkle.
Christmas dinner at grandma’s house featured a special Christmas table cloth on the dining table, and a stack of plates, flatware, and napkins ready for the grabbing. Near the sink was a container of ice and two gallons of tea, one jug was marked “Sweet.” Pans and many plates and dishes of food literally covered the kitchen counters from stove-top to the end of mom’s u-shaped kitchen. Along with the turkey and ham and or venison, mom had been working for days choosing what dishes, pies and cakes she planned to have at Christmas and each of our little families brought our favorite dishes to share. We celebrated buffet style. We ate until we simply just could not eat any more. Our kids romped and stomped. Cousins shrieked and some cried. They pulled out well-worn vintage toys from their place in the toy chest in the hall closet and drove the adults crazy with push-around pop-up sticks, cymbal-clapping monkeys and anything worth fighting over while the TV blared at full volume in the living room.
Finally we’d open the mound of presents. We hugged and thanked each giver for the special gift. Sometimes we cried. I remember Melissa giving us cutting boards she hand decorated herself. Mike and Becky found old beloved photos and gave framed copies to each of us. Bobby proudly handed us taped recordings of him and Janet and his buddies jamming and singing. These gifts were priceless. They still are.
Sadly, Bobby, Mom, Pete, and Becky are no longer with us. Those times together are gone. What I wouldn’t give for just one replay of any of those days.
Why, I thought moments ago, did we ever decide to leave the country before Christmas and spend this special day anywhere but home? My heart aches a little bit today.
Like a mother comforts her child, Cody, my youngest, soothed me when I talked with her today. She could tell I was a little blue and responded with all the just-right thoughts. Thank you, dear daughter, I feel much better, and while my eyes are still teary, I’m ok.
Merry Christmas, everyone. Enjoy, cherish and be thankful for every single moment you have together. Family times can be good, hurtful, loud, unnerving, stressful, delightful . . . whatever-ful but they are our times, our stories. Savor them, they are mighty precious.
Merry Christmas, Janie and Stan! Jesus came to save the world and you are experiencing parts of His world that you have never seen. Hope your hearts are full of warm memories like you shared in your post and that you and your family enjoy an online Christmas together while you are away.
And it’s not too soon to start planning for a “back home” Christmas for 2022! Years from now your family will be telling their kids about the crazy Christmas “when Mom and Dad decided to live around the world.”
Hey Susie!
Yes, the Lord gave us the greatest gift of all. He sent us Jesus Christ to save us — through our faith Christ saves us . . . sometimes he saves us from ourselves.
I’m feeling good again. Like I said in reply to Sam’s comments, I had a rare bad day that day we decorated. But that day was a little mircle with its own reward. It made me recall wonderful times and dearly loved people I had not thought deeply about in a good while. It did me good. Yes, to be sure we will celebrate Christmas Day online and then — both girls and Tessa are coming to visit us here in Panama shortly after Christmas Day. We are so excited!
I’m so glad you are following along with us in our us and downs. It makes us feel good.
Wishing you and Bud and all your family a blessed Christmas and s wonderous new year. Janie
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy & prosperous New Year!
P.S. Many of our holiday family dinners during the pandemic have been held by dialing everyone into a Skype or Zoom video call. Works for long distance, too.
Sam — thank you! We are fine and as noted to others I’m my chipper self again! It was just one of those days . . . but having it was not so bad. It brought bck many cherished memories that had not come to mind in a long time. Yes, we will Zoom or Skype on Christmas Day. Plus both girls will be coming for visits here shortly after Christmas Day. Yaaay!
Stan and I appreciate hearing from you — always do and wish you a wonderful Christmas time and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year a well.
I didnt get a chance to read your post until this afternoon. Its a little crazy at home. Ill explain in a sec. Your post made me so sad. I hate that you’re feeling like that.
The memories of Christmas’ past, at mom’s, were so awesome! I keep telling myself, everything changes. Its all part of getting older but, boy how grand it would be to get just one more family Christmas at Mom’s.
Pick your chin up, my precious sister!
I know you miss the girls but they are happy and well. Although you wont physically be together, I’m betting there will be a wonderful Skype with all 3! I love you and cant bear for you to be sad.
Okay. Here’s whats going on at home. Ray, at my pushing, was changing an outside light on the back of the house. I need to be able to see around when Abby goes out at night.
While getting down, he started to fall. He said he had propped the ladder too step. So, he tried to jump off backward, but landed on his heels and promptly fell straight back.
The ground was soft from a rain a few days before but nonetheless, not being able to catch himself at all, hit his head and neck on the ground pretty hard. He had been on the 3rd from the bottom step so it wasnt like he jumped from way up the ladder.
He wouldnt let me call an ambulance, he didnt think he was hurt that bad and was thinking maybe it was just a bad jarring and he would feel better in a few days but that hast happened. Hes in pretty bad pain and he fell, not last Friday but the Friday before so, its about 1 1/2 weeks. We saw the pain management doctor Monday and he’s ordering an mri but it was initially set up for Chenal location but Ray asked for a NLR location and he hasnt heard back yet. Waiting on insurance approval.
Im about 75% sure he has possibly knocked loose some of the hardware in his neck.
Ive begged him to just let me take him to the hospital. It will expedite the mri and possible surgery but, he says he’s not ready.
So, we may not be home for Christmas either. But likely, they’ll make him wait out the holidays anyway. I’m good. Just worried about him.
The kids were all saying, “what was he doing on a ladder anyway”! Umm, my fault.
I i will keep you in the loop if there is a surgery. My hope right now is that you go back to being your happy, smiling, self and know tha I love you!!
Hey, isnt Cody coming soon? You guys just have another celebration when she comes!!
Call me any time you like. I love you guys so very much!! God bless you two!!
Hi darling sister,
I’m so sorry to hear about Ray’s accident. These things happen. I can’t tell you how many times Stan and I have fortunately caught ourselves and prevented a nice big fall — which is so scary at our age. I hope he gets treatment asap — over a week is way too long. He could be contributing to the injury by waiting so long. I’m praying for him and for you too. Do keep me posted! We love you!
Don’t worry about me. I just had one of those days. I’m all chipper again! And yes, Cody and her Richard (our surrogate son) are coming on 12/29 and I think Shea and Tessa are coming soon thereafter as they make the rounds through Texas and then on to us. Christmas will be a day or so late for us but it will be a wonderful Christmas!
Please give Ray our love and tell him to get his bohunk to the hospital. I’m the big sister and I said so.
Love from the heart! Janie
we miss you- and remember your wonderful xmas party! Keep in touch
Love
JoAnn, David and of course Danbury
Miss you too and our wonderful little neighborhood! Boy we loved those parties! They were fun. Merry Christmas JoAnn to you, David and Danbury. Do keep in touch. It means a lot to me.
What a wonderful day you had! Missing the ones who are no longer with us happens no matter where we are. Glad you have loved ones to miss and people who miss you! I had back surgery on Tuesday so I’m still 🙃 loopey. If I don’t write, just know we love you guys ❤ Charlotte
Charlotte, It is wonderful to hear from you. I am relieved to know what type of surgery you had. I pray you recover quickly, painlessly and completely. Yes, I had a blue day but it was a gift! I thought about and recalled precious times and people that all meant so much to me. Like a puppy, I am back to my old over-the-top happy person again. I wish you and Dave the happiest Christmas! And do get well soon!